Mediation

With today's court caseload, the cost of protracted litigation and the emotional toll of a full-blow divorce or custody battle, and you will quickly realize there must be a better way to end a marriage.

After you come to the realization that nobdoy wins in a divorce, after you understand that protecting and nurturing your children should be the primary goal, and after you consider who will most likely walk away with what and who will have to pay what, then you should be in a position to realize the potential benefits of resolving your divorce through mediation.

What is mediation?

 Mediation is commonly defined as:

"An informal process in which a neutral third party or persons called a mediators act to facilitate the resolution of a dispute between two or more parties.  The process is designed to help disputing parties reach an agreement on all or part of the issues in dispute.  Mediation is based on principles of communication, negotation, facilitation, and  problem-solving that emphasize the needs and interests of the participants; fairness procedural flexibility; privacy and confidentiality; full disclosure; and self determination.  Decision-making authority remains at all times with the parties, not the mediator."

It is common practice in southern Indiana for the Courts to compel the parties to attempt mediation before a divorce trial will be scheduled.

Why mediate our differences?

 With the help of an independent third party -- the mediator -- the divorcing couple can usually determine the issues that are really important to them and negotiate arrangements that come out of their own specific needs.  A mediated resolution often costs less, takes less time and is usually less painful.  It is always faster than waiting for your day in court.

We are not proposing that any divorce be undertaken without the aid and guidance of a competent family law attorney and who spends a considerable amount of time staying up-to-date on developments in this ever-changing area of practice.

Competent, reliable, knowledgeable legal counsel is still important, even if you and your spouse opt to attempt mediation.  For one thing, only your attorney can draw your attention to important matters that might have slipped by you that will require mediation or adjudication.  Mediators cannot look after your best interests -- their goal is to settle the case.

What are the advantages of mediation?

 Research has found that it takes approximately two (2) years following a divorce to recover from the overall stress and trauma -- even longer if high conflict was involved.

Poor communication between spouses is one of the most common reasons for divorce.  The time to begin practicing good communication with your sposue is usually not when you are both in the throes of a bitter and acrimonious divorce battle. Divorce mediators are specially trained, frequently being retired judges or experienced family law attorneys who have committed themselves to helping people just like you resolve disputes.

Successful mediation can improve the former spouses' relationship to the level that future communication is possible when they must deal with each other regarding the children of the marriage.

Although you may divorce your spouse, you will always be connected to him or her through the children.  Children are defenseless when they are caught between battling parents.  Mediation can be successful in focusing the parties' attention on what should be the primary objective: the future care and well-being of the children.

So often, divorce seems to be all abuot who's going to walk away with what and the children are sometimes regarded as the "spoils of war" -- something to be "awarded" to the victor.  Rational parents recognize that this attitude does nothing but damage the children through the strain it puts on your relationship with your former spouse and the children's relationship with their other parent.

If the mediator is open and supportive of the parties, the process can have benefits that are not possible in litigation.  Mediation allows clients to make use of their own values, goals and priorities to "custom build" a divorce agreement, tailor-made to suit their needs and legal rights.

When is mediation not advisable?

 If you are victim of domestic violence at the hands of your spouse and your spouse's attorney suggests or the court orders mediation, be absolutely certain your attorney fully understands the abuse you have suffered.

Mediation is generally not advisable when domestic violence is or has been present, although it is sometimes successful when the parties are kept isolated from one another and the mediator works by going from room to room, visting the respective parties and their attorneys.

How does mediation work?

When the parties agree to mediate or when the court orders mediation, a neutral third party specially trained and qualified to assist domestic relations dispute resolution will be chosen by the parties or appointed by the court.

An appointment will be scheduled for the mediation session.  The mediator will explore the following:

• Defining the parties' issues and setting an agenda
• Uncovering hidden interests
• Generating options for settlement
• Conducting final bargaining between the parties

The mediation process is sometimesy conducted with both parties and their respective attorneys being in the same room.  Often the session is conduced with the parties in separate rooms.